Saturday, May 25, 2013

A Few Weeks Later

I know, I haven't been keeping up my end of this blogging deal.  I don't even have an excuse for not writing anything in the past few weeks other than I just forget to do it.  Most days I come home from work anywhere from 6:00 - 8:00 pm, throw something together for dinner, relax with my husband on the couch, and go to bed.  Try to sleep, wake up, go to work, repeat.  I've been on autopilot for the most part.  The only thing that has changed recently is that we had friends of ours move in with us two weekends ago.  Jeremy was the best man in our wedding and his girlfriend Spencer and dog Chase will be staying with us in our guest room in the basement for the summer.  I think.  I'm actually not sure how long they plan to stay.  There wasn't a real "plan" from the beginning.  Josh mentioned back in November that they might be staying with us at some point in the summer, and then months passed and nothing else was said about it, and now here they are. It's been really nice, though.  Chase and our dog Jack get along perfectly 98% of the time.  Jack is still getting used to other people (and animals) being in his house, but he's been pretty good.  Having them here has allowed me to worry less about being gone most of the day now that Jack isn't alone anymore when we leave for work, but it has also caused my anxiety level to increase overall, just because.  I've noticed myself doing more mindless eating and I know it's because I'm anxious overly.  Not really sure what about, but I can feel it.  I've gained two pounds in the last week due to nighttime overeating and doing nothing to offset the extra calories.  Spencer and I talked about working out together, but she ended up joining Fuel Fitness because they had a three month deal for the summer.

I haven't been back to Curves in months.  I almost went the other day when I was on my way home.  I actually pass it every day on my way home, but usually it's after 6:00 and I would have to get there by 5:30 in order to get a workout in before they close for the night.  Anyway, I didn't go because I didn't have clean gym shoes, which is a requirement to work out there.  Then I realized that my new, clean gym shoes that I bought specifically for Curves were actually in the trunk of my car, and by that point I had already talked myself out of going.  I did play in another soccer game this past Sunday.  It was really nice to get out there again after having to take a few weeks off.  The only negative (besides being insanely sore after each game) is that I have somehow convinced myself that playing soccer for 80 minutes every few weeks if more than enough exercise, and obviously it's not.  I know that.  But part of talking myself out of a more consistent exercise routine always consists of the thought "Well, at least I'm playing soccer now".  Like that makes up for not working out.  I know it doesn't, but I still can't get myself up early to go to the gym.  I think part of it is getting over the embarrassment of walking in after not going for so long at this point.  I've already rehearsed my excuses in my head - "I have a knee injury," or "I have been working longer hours and haven't been able to get up early to work out before work", or even "I've been sick and haven't had the energy."  All true, but not good enough reasons to skip a 20 minute, low impact, super easy exercise circuit.  I can already feel the eyes of the 60 and 70 year old women in the gym judging me.

My EEG and MRI results were normal.  I knew they would be.  The tests were more of a 'We have to rule out brain stuff first' sort of deal.  The neurologist had me tested next for B12 and Myasthenia Gravis at the follow up visit.  I got the results yesterday and my B12 levels are fine and there is no indication of any other issues.  I have an appointment with a sleep specialist next week since my insurance company denied coverage for the Sleep Study my neurologist ordered.  More specialists.  I am starting to feel like a hypochondriac, and it sucks.  This is how I felt before I was diagnosed with Graves'.  Every doctor I went to said I was fine.  I heard it all.  "It's just stress."  "There's nothing wrong with you."  "All of the tests are normal."  "Stop worrying so much and you'll stop losing weight without trying/you won't be so anxious/your hair will stop falling/your period will come back."  Ha, right.  My thyroid levels were off the charts, you incompetent assholes.  But who thinks to check the thyroid levels of an otherwise healthy 17 - 20 year old, right?  So, here we are again.  My body is telling me that something is wrong, and doctors and specialists are telling me that nothing is wrong.  Although, the neurologist did say that it was not normal for a 30 year old woman to be tired all of the time.  So, there's that.   

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