1 Week Later

I still don't have answers from the doctors.  Again, they are at a loss as to what is going on with my body.  I'm still waiting on my thyroid results so maybe that will shed some light on things.  I am hoping to get my levels within normal limits so that I can go off of the cholesterol medicine.  It's not something I can take when I'm pregnant, so I would like my body to get to the point where it's no longer necessary.  I've also been taking .5 mg of an anti-anxiety medicine for the last year which my doctor thinks may be causing my blood pressure issues.  Hopefully, for now,  I can manage with a .25 mg dose each day.  I'm afraid to even read about the potential complications from taking anxiety medication during pregnancy.  Obviously, I will stop taking it if I have to, but I really hope it's not an issue.  I've felt like a completely different (i.e. normal) person since I started taking this medicine and I don't want to go back to how things used to be.  I'm actually better at my job when I'm less anxious, and I eat less since I tend to stress eat sometimes, so I'd like to keep it that way if I can. 

My depression symptoms haven't improved much.  I've been staying home more than usual, cancelling plans often, struggling to just get up and even take a shower.  I don't feel like myself.  The weird part is, I usually sleep a lot when I feel depressed, but these days, I haven't been sleeping much at all.  I'm going on four nights now with no more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep.  It doesn't make much sense.  I forced myself to leave the house today and go into the office.  I am extremely lucky and get to work from home occasionally, but I can't take advantage of it and have to get it together soon.  My clients and supervisees need me to be healthy and at my best.

I drove past the gym today and considered going in to officially join.  I even saw a commercial for the same gym today and felt like it was a sign.  They are having a membership sale!  But, I passed right by because there were too many cars in the parking lot.  Or, at least that's what I told myself.  In reality, I just didn't have the energy to stop and get out of the car again.  It's so frustrating to even type this, because I just want to tell myself to get over myself already.  Quit talking about doing things and then not doing them!  But beating myself up isn't helpful. 

I knew this would take time because that's been my history.  I have to keep taking it slow or else I get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing.  I'm still eating healthy, running around with the dog, and doing yoga as much as I can stand it.  Seriously, though, it's time to take the next step...